Things have been wierd with my husband and me. I use a site called UndercoverAffairs.com and youll find lot of like minded people who are married (like me!) And there is no hope left for us. I hope it helps, and welcome your thoughts! My boys never knew, which was my one objective. I called my husband to tell him. There arent any of the signs of cheating and nothing has changed between us. After being in a relationship for 3 years, in January my husband sat down and openly admitted with tears and a cross in his hand that he cheated on me with his coworker. Ive always have a gut feeling that my husband has cheated on me, but Ive never been able to prove it. I have always heard the accuser is usually the guilty one. Lets go and support them. Weve never had 1 day go by where we havent texted or spoken. When he came home we were talking and I followed him to his dressing room to put away some clean clothes and mentioned the missing gift garments. It pains me to know that he is in search of women to have sex with. pls help! When she had enough, she just kicked him to the curb. So I decided to give him a last chance because I have faced too much obstacles in order to get married with him. The healthier you are, the easier itll be to see your relationship clearly and to see your fiance clearly. 1)He is not interested in physical intimacy as he was before, 2)He avoids physical and emotional contact, 4)He picks fights or start arguments with you, You poor thing :( Ive just had a baby and to be told I know u get paranoid when ur pregnant just makes u paranoid its a bit insensitive if u ask me. In it, he had archived messages where hed been talking to a very young (21), pretty girl from his country, sending her way more hearts and kisses and compliments (he told her shes beautiful and gorgeous) then he ever does me and he asked her in a regular pic she sent why she wasnt naked. I could tell coz he has been so cheeky of late and attention you can tell its now divided. So his lying is a defense mechanism, and he's perfected it over many years. Thank you for sharing your experience with cheating in marriage. I just try my best and I wont regret after everything is come to end. Each time I have been met with angry words and even flying fist. Im glad it helped you, and hope it helps others who might be in the same situation. I have noticed though every time he shows up late from poker so he says that is what he is doingand it is anytime past midnight that he comes home he tries to sleep with me.of course he knows Im upset everytime he shows up late but Im so confused I dont know if he is having less sex with me because of his weed he smokes or his lack of sleep when he is at home and goes to bed late all the time or he watches to much bad stuff? She lives in a different state and I dont suspect physical cheating, but I do worry about emotional cheating. I feel like I have lived the past 15 years in hell with Satan himself!!! after a few times she didnt whant to do this anymore. My husband went into treatment after being arrested for getting drunk and being abusive. I had found years ago where he was emailing two different people talking to them. Am just tired and i dont know what else to do. We have 2 children together which are now teens. If he doesnt STOP, and soon, my plan is to leave after getting some financial arrangements made. If not, what changes can you make that will make you happy? If I was working and one of my girlfriends from work sent a message like that he would make me respond to the message but he dont. I personally have been in several long-term relationships including one marriage of nine years. I am a very jealous person, so I am always asking if hes cheating or doing other stuff, But here lately it seems worse. When I ask him if he loves me,he says yes. He lied black and blue that he was helping an older women after family catastrophe , we did marriage counseling and I have tried to move on. When i confronted him on them he said i knew that you saw those and its not cheating. Which made me think was he thinking of her. This is especially important as you might be wrong. Its so frustrating, to wonder if your husband is cheating and not be able to tell if hes lying. He went to theatre to watch it. Why would you skype with them people? I learned a lot from that experience, and my advice to you would be that, its good to stand up for yourself, but if you try to control too much, hell resent you for it and do it behind your back anyway. I was afraid to make wrong move just so he doesnt get angry or upset at me. Are you okay? When she was far along her pregnancy, she would call out his name to speak to him, and he would ignore her. He eventually messaged me on fbook through one of his friends accounts bc he doesnt have fbook. I cant seem to make him understand that I need him to stop lying before we can regain any trust. For better or worse is what I said on our wedding day.i meant those words down to the core of my being but when is worse, actually the end? He is a hard working man, hes absolutely wonderful with my girl, he is a great provider, my family loves him, he has never hit me or tried to hurt me in any way. No more! I found out by placing a tape recorder in the house and in his vehicle. I said we came here together why didnt you come back for over 2 hours. well she done had the 3rd kid and he is now 3 months old and he is still bouncing back and forth between me and her so i told him he is either going to choose me or her again not even a month went by i went through my phone records cuz i paid for him to have a phone and i found a number i didnt recognize and i called it come to find out he had been talking to another girl and been hanging out wit her so i went and met her and she showed me all the txt messages she was straight up honest wit me so evidently 2 of us wasnt enough he needed 3 women in his life and i come to find out that im pregnant with his child and through all of this his baby mama wit the 3 she found out i was going to have his child so she took her 3 kids and left finally she was gona it was jus me and him things were finally going good i was starting to trust him then he goes to jail for 2 days and i go and get him out and he swore up and down to me that things were going to be different so 2 weeks before my due date to have our child i go back to my house for a couple days and go to my doctor appt alone again and i find out that he had been talking to his other baby mama and she was now back down at his house living there again so i leave for 2 days and he brings her back so i told him that he would regret that for the rest of his life and he is because he didnt get to see his son born. Stacey how did you put tracker on his phone without him knowing my husbands is password protected and they have to except thanks for the help pam. According to Gary Neuman, a womans gut instinct is the best way to tell if her man is having an affairbut I think most (if not all) women dont want to face the truth. i wanted to know what someone else thinks of this situation because its driving me crazy. And turns things around on me like im the bad guy then he starts throwing up shit thats not even relevant to the conversation. He was flirting with her basically saying he wished he had met her a few years earlier because he thought she looked hot. If he wanted to be with other woman why isnt he single? He didnt answer any of my calls nor did he return my calls as he usually does. I'm Laurie, creator of Uprooted She Blossoms and author of Growing Forward When You Can't Go Back. Tell him that's it. He sent a text so i got to see it. 11 Core Values in a Relationship and Why They Are Important, When to Let Go of a Long-Distance Relationship and How, 8 Signs Youre Not Sexually Compatible and How to Handle It, How to Overcome Fearful-Avoidant Attachment Style, Lack of Communication in a Relationship: Causes, Effects, and Tips, What Makes a Man Want to Protect You? Hes very supportive of me in whatever I want to do. Any advice would be appreciated. He had an indiscretion with a woman three years ago and we have since recovered. Comments are welcome pls. Bottom line. Get outta there. When I confronted him he told me you are going to believe her instead of me? The husband's refusing to be honest only makes you want to know that much more. So, your future husband may not be lying about cheating (unless of course you believe that visiting a cheating website is cheating, which I do). When I ask him to fix it he gets mad. She KNEW he was deleting text. I believe you know deep in your heart if you can trust your husband as much as you know if you can trust anyone. Hey anonymous, I have an advice question for you. Example: Ill bring many smiles to your life. You have to take this journey and I pray along the way, you find the real Jennifer in all her glory, living life and loving life as it should be. I dont know if your husband is lying about cheating, but there certainly hasnt been alot of honesty about what hes doing. But this is about you, not him. The decision now is whether or not you should leave him. The blaming me part, denying everything until you find out. I am consumed in what happened. You just dont have any solid proof, but you know something is going on. It sounds that way on a lot of these comments actually. Maybe certain questions ? Lately though up until now he doesnt try to even hardly make a move to sleep with mehe never makes out with me unless we are doing it. i spent 22 years with my high school sweetheart stayed even after finding out he cheated on me with my younger sister more than one and this had happened before we were married denial seems easy and blissful but deep down it eats and eats till one day it completely destroyes u. if his cheating this early on what is it going to like in 2 years, while ur pregnant, after the baby comes these are hard times on strong faithful men, cant imagine how it would be for a weak man. Im not sure what to do. ???? He gave her his email address. 5) For the past two months, he would sleep close to the edge, on his side, of our king bed. Every marriage breakdown is complicated and it might not be as black and white as because he cheated. we are together for over 8 yrs with two kids now. What she shared were text messages from him to her asking if she would have sex with him. I came from a broken home all my life I dreamed of a loving big family. He is a manipulative control freak!!! Like trash, put her on a pedestal. She wants to meet me but i dont know if i want to meet her. Hes deleted texts to her but left hers. The study involved 506 men and 412 women who reported being in monogamous sexual relationships lasting from three months to 43 years. I was trying to convey this to my H tonight when he tried making me wrong for having trust issues. I came across your articles on the web. I confronted him and he said he just talks to her when hes bored and shes funny which made my heart drop. We messaged each other and then started texting. Lying husbands actually tell the truth, cushioned in lies. I asked him if he wanted an open relationsihp and he said NO! It lasted about 2 or 3 months. He's used lying as a way to keep you and others from knowing who he really is. That he wants children and I cant give him that. Everytime, we get in an argument about him being so private about his phone. I confronted her and him with the email and they claimed it was a big joke. He goes out three times a week. Then, after all these years of emotional and verbal abuse, I finally realized there was a name for someone like him. Hes not trustworthy enough to be responsible for that obviously. Successful marriages without cheating have been found to be between two people who take their vows seriously, the same way they live according to their values. He always says he loves me and would never dream of cheating, and is just the sweetest guy.. but lately, he finds excuses to get away from the house, I found lube in his car, then just today, I see that he left for work without his ring on. There were favors involved (working her shifts). I just found out that my husband cheated on me last night which he told me he was working late. It pisses me off more than ever but once again, its because I cant have him but I dont think I would even want him, bc of how he is lying to himself and his wife. This is a treatable disease but I cant chance him cheating again and catching something that is not I have to agree with you there. He says he has never felt like a full MAN and the women made him temporarily feel like a full MAN. Whether youve been married for a year or committed to each other for 20, its confusing and painful when trust starts to slip. I dont know about anyone else but I find it really strange that a man in his late 50s has these 19, 21, 32 and 46 year old female friends that 1) I dont know any of them other than the 19 year old, 2) that he goes to dinner with on a regular basis and 3) is out every single night. I did not see any photos. So I asked him again and told him I wanted an direct answer. When I call that office I only speak to him and would never play such games. I know what he did but he wont ever admit to it so why dont you do us both a huge favor and message me on facebook. My husband and I have been married almost a year now. I have spoke with her and came to a point that i forgave him. Be strong and show these men why they need women. My own story is sad like yours and in trying to discern if I should leave my husband, a dear person told me to break my story down to stupid. So I did, which lead me to leave my husband a last week. He was always on his phone . What do I do? I just found out through pics on his phone and he said it was just porn. We met young, but I believed we were in love. He said, that he knows me. What she liked more was that it hurt me, bothered me, upset me. And that fear and guilt of the unknown has to be discussed about. I have the same story Except we have 4 kids But nothing is stopping him from cheating over computer or phone . You express yourself quite well. Now hes talking in his sleep about having sex with another person.. Should I stay and investigate or Leave my relationship of 7 1/2-yrs. It only got worse, and to make a really long story short, it continued for over a year, he went out with her one night , treated me like garbage. Ask casual, open-ended questions and prime your partner to tell you the truth when you're ready to get them to admit they are cheating. my only regret is that I didnt smarten up sooner. Thinking that I had known everything now and maybe we could be stronger, I married him. But didnt sleep with her. That means act as if, fake it til you make it. I only knew 1 of the girlsshes 19, young and ditzy and she introduced me to the others but this new best friend thinks that I am the rudest person shes ever met because of the hospital incident. Id also like to add that therapy and books are wonderful way to get insight on this issue but a real discussion is much more effective with people who dont know you personally and will not be bias or possibly because you are paying for their expertise. Or he wouldnt be working in counseling to work things out! some days is better than others. Said how shed love to have him as a partner. What is holding you back from walking out of your marriage? He was able in therapy to admit to an attraction but to say its mostly a mentor relationship. Yesterday he had the nerve to ask me whats wrong because Ive been crazy emotional lately!!!!!! Could he have Aspergers Syndrome? my questions are, is he cheating or not? I recently found out that my husband is/was cheating on me with women online. Once cheater always cheater comes to mind. The thoughts that went through my mind drove me insane. For years, he has connected through email (late at night etc.) I mean he has telling me stories that they went out with marines, or did that or third, but nothing about meeting or becoming friends with a female. I am very familiar with those opinions and philosophies too. If someone is asking you if you are cheating, believe me, the response they want is, of course not, I would never do that to you. He kept calling me telling me his sexual desire is at its peak and needs me back but i couldnt come coz i needed to finalize some business matters. Last year july he told me that he was going on a fishing weekend with some guys from his work, i did not think it strange as he did that often. My heart just sank. Thank you, Once infidelity and that type of dishonesty occur in a relationship, it is difficult to ever feel secure or fully trust that person again. I set up a place for us to meet and he showed up. Hello, Ive been married for 18 years and recently found out that my husband has been carrying on an affair with an ex-high school girlfriend whom hed gotten pregnant while they were still in high school but she lost the baby due to his mothers interference. I had a condo and he sold his home. So, although my husband has extra work, he does have extra help. How Do You Leave When You Have Nowhere to Go? So are my feelings valid about this 32 year old best friend, who by the way is getting a divorce or am I just a really sick thinking person? If the possibilities for your future arent clear to you right now, take time to sit in silence. Im not one to share my emotions so this is a big step for me. The love of my life has become a monster and an abusive POS who deserves to be locked up. Though i havent seenactual conversations yet i feel this is enough, the intent is there. we have separated many times and he came back and say he sorry he love me and want to work it out. The best thing is to get evidence, so you have something solid to confront him with. You will find another man, someone who wants only you. Mistake #1: Launching an Investigation. If you are in a relationship like this one, trust me, save yourself and leave as soon as you can. He swore up and down for one week saying he didnt know. please give me some advice. I would Like to know if thats possible. So please, for your sake and the sake of your fertile eggs, look for the red flags and DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES for his bad behavior. I dont get it. The more you can free yourself to see where this all goes, to ride out the emotions, the better you'll feel about it when you reach some kind of clarity. He said she was a long time friend and he was only talking to her because her father had recently passed away. I was furious at him still am. There was and still has been no sympathy or compassion for my broken heart. Hi, I am at a loss for words. He also got him smoking hash wich i stopped right away.. im so confused what can i do i cant trust him any more and suspect he is having a relation with his friends sister. Found out a few days ago he has had my Facebook info to spy on me. Is my husband cheating? I am still in shock as we never even had a fight. Im looking for all the help i can get. he s always teasing me and comparing me with other gals. Another option is to go to marriage counseling or individual counseling, and try to figure out how your jealousy is affecting your marriage. You have to let him go, he will never change. It is possible to recover from an affair, but it takes time and frankly, a professional to help. Its a sickening feeling to be wondering if your own husband is involved with another woman! It has destroyed my life. I know. he always wants sex like alot he snaps when i say somthing that is not postive gets very defensive me said i can leave but can not take th kids. So while he was sleeping, I changed the password on his American Express account. For many women who have been cheated on, they start to blame the breakdown of their marriage on themselves. Is he bluffing or what?.I beleive that if he really wants to leave he will leave now! i was confussed i decided to take a boyfriend but could not work out everytime the boyfriend phoning me to meet i go and if he touched me i think of my boyfriend and leave i did not do anything with him but was trying becouse of anger. More than 50% of all men have cheated in a love relationship, says Dr Oz. Infidelity shatters trust, causing insecurity and resentment in marriage relationships. Ill marry soon and probably cheat in the same week. 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